she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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