He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
