So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pooping to opera.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize