im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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