hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
