yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
