We're facebook friends in real life
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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