My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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