Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
