I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
