you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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