you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
