he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
