i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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