My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
