Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
