OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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