Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
