proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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