a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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