I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
