Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
