If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
