im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
