I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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