dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im six kinds of drunk right now
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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