I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
