I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
