You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
