hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
