plz talk dirty to me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
