I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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