saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
