I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
