You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
