I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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