Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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