i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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