So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
