you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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