I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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