I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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