STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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