my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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