I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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