Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
