i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
