I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize