from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
