I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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