We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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