Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
