you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
