I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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