i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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