yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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