remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
