i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
